“In the nineteenth century,
the central moral challenge was slavery. In the twentieth century, it was the
battle against totalitarianism. We believe that in this century the paramount
moral challenge will be the struggle for gender equality around the world.”
― Nicholas D.
Kristof, Half the Sky
There are two Lesothos. The first Lesotho is a leader in
gender equality. This is the Lesotho that has a growing number of women in
government. It is the Lesotho where the majority of school principals are women. This is the Lesotho that passed the Legal Capacity of Married Persons Act in 2006 to ensure that women would not be second class citizens but would be entitled to the same economic rights as their husbands. This is the Lesotho that ranked sixteenth overall on the 2013 the Global Gender Gap Report (published by the World Economic Forum) That’s a higher ranking than Canada, the USA, and the UK.
And yet, if I had to choose where to be born a woman it
would not be here.
There is a second Lesotho. In this second Lesotho HIV
disproportionally affects women, and girls are kicked out of
school for becoming pregnant. This is the Lesotho where too many women have been
subjected to sexual abuse: In one
survey, six out of ten students said that if
you knew the person, it did not count as sexual violence, and six out of ten
boys said that when a girl says no, she
really means yes.* In other words, despite the empowerment of a minority
of women into positions of political power, this is a Lesotho where patriarchal norms persist and sexual violence is all too often ignored.
There are two stories which for me depict the reality of
this second Lesotho.
“Ahh, But this Normal Here”
I am on my way home from an Out-of-School Youth training in the
Thaba-Tseka district. There is
extra space in our Help Lesotho truck, so we decide to drive one of the girls from the workshop back to her village.
She sits down next to me, and I
ask her which training module she liked best.
“Oh, decision making,” she tells me.
“Why?” I ask.
She switches to Sesotho and a friend translates for me.
“Because I realized before I was making passive decisions…I
let people decide things for me instead of taking control of my own life.”
“What do you mean?” I ask.
“My boyfriend told me I had to have sex with him. I said I
didn’t want to, but he said I didn’t have a choice and then he slept with me,”
she said. “When what happened came
out, we had to appear before the village chief. He said that in order to repair
damages we must get married, and so we did.”
I look at her, stunned. “Ask her if she’s safe!” I say to my friend.
“At first I was terrified of my husband,” she says. “Things
were not good between us. But this past year things have gotten better. He is
kinder to me now and I am happy.”
We drop the young girl off. I turn to my friend, outraged
that this young girl was forced to marry the man who raped her.
My friend merely shrugs and says, “Ahh, but this normal here.”
“I didn’t know it was wrong”
It’s the last day of a five day Out-Of-School youth training.
I get a moment alone with one of the young men in the program and so I ask him
what he thought about the workshop.
He tells me that the topic of sexual abuse impacted him immensely.
He explains that he and his friends used to force multiple girls to have sex
with them for fun. “Before today, I didn’t know what I was doing was wrong.” he
tells me.
I look at him stunned, trying to hide my disgust. How could you not know? I want to ask. But then I remember how
much society shapes our norms and how easy it is to be deaf to truth when
voices of leadership claim what’s wrong is right.
“What do you think about all of these things now?” I try to ask an open-ended question,
instead of passing judgment.
“Now I am aware that my violent sexual acts were traumatizing
those girls and that this was not good. I will not do this anymore. I want to
have respectful relationships,” he looks down for a moment. But then his eyes
meet mine and he smiles, “My eyes have been opened. I was living darkness, but
now I am in the light.”
***
There is no other way I can think to describe this troubling
phenomenon than with the term Rape
Culture. I use this term in its most literal sense; there is a pervasive
culture in Lesotho that ignores the reality of rape and moreover, punishes rape
victims. I want to be clear that
this is not legally enforced. In fact,
the actual laws in Lesotho aim to promote gender equality and protect women from
harm. However, there is a huge gap between law and social customs and unfortunately,
too often, social customs more than laws rule prevailing gender norms.
I believe
it is important to briefly note that Canada has also failed rape victims.
In Canada there have also been troubling instances of sexual abuse not being
treated seriously. Who could forget the infamous chant sung at St. Mary’s University
(SMU) during frosh week this past September: “SMU
boys we like them young ... Y is for your sister, O is for oh so tight, U
is for underage, N is for no consent, G is for grab that a**."
However, there is a difference here: SMU’s frosh week chant
made the news. Many Canadians were outraged. The head of SMU’s student union
stepped down. I have yet to read a headline in the Lesotho Times that states, “Young Girl forced to Marry Boyfriend who Raped
Her. Chief forced to resign.”
As I try to reconcile the disparity between the Global Gender Gap Report and what I have witnessed on the ground, yet again, I come to the
conclusion that there are two Lesothos. There is the Lesotho that is making
leaps and bounds in placing women in positions of authority and power. Yet,
there is a huge gab between this Lesotho and the second Lesotho, where issues concerning consent and rape often go unacknowledged.
For me the reality of this second Lesotho and the reality of
rape culture in this country is
epitomized by the casual remark made by my friend—words, which are still
ringing in my ears:
“Ah, but this is
normal here.”
---
*This information comes from the Help Lesotho Information Manual.
